Every New Year brings a chance to mark the passage of time, reflect on the past, and embrace the future. Some of us celebrate the occasion by partying into the wee hours of the morning; others struggle to stay awake to watch the clock hands move past twelve. We make resolutions, only to break them; we promise to do better, try harder, be better, but oftentimes fall short as life gets in the way. The humorous quotes below, though, will help you start the New Year smiling.
"New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions."
"New Year's Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."
"Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go."
"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to."
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
P. J. O'Rourke
"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."
"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution."
"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time."
"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle."
"New Year's Day is every man's birthday."
"Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that."
"Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits."
"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other."
"Last year's resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go."
"Remember when we were young and wanted to stay up for New Year's? Now we are old and all we want to do is sleep."
"May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did."
"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!"
"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account."
"I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser."
"I would say Happy New Year but it's not happy; it's exactly the same as last year except colder."